


gamma shift

by toqueso



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Gen, fun with foliage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-09
Updated: 2014-04-09
Packaged: 2018-01-18 19:35:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1440247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toqueso/pseuds/toqueso
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s the fifth consecutive Gamma Shift they’ve had with no incidents, so it’s Sulu’s turn to fuck something up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	gamma shift

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Star Trek and all associated imagery belong to CBS and Paramount.
> 
> Thanks to my awesome awesome beta, Texas!

It’s the fifth consecutive Gamma Shift they’ve had with no incidents, so it’s Sulu’s turn to fuck something up. And Sulu—wonderful, reliable Sulu—delivers _fantastically_.

“What the hell is that,” Jim states, staring at the green vine twining itself around one of Security’s legs.

“It’s, uh—it’s a type of plant I picked up from my recent visit back home—" Sulu tries to explain, wringing his hands.

“A type of hybrid species, bred as a pleasure species by Terran scientists in the region of Japan.” Spock explains, flipping through his PADD. “Its scientific name is—"

“Okay, okay,” Jim waves. “That’s great, Spock, but what is it doing to Ensign Zhao?"

“This plant achieves reproduction through copulation with life-forms with mammalian characteristics, specifically those containing at least twenty-one pairs of chromosomes,” Spock says blandly. The only hint Jim has to Spock’s nervousness is his slightly whitened grip on the side of the PADD. “I believe it is attempting to do so now.”

Jim stares at Spock. “You’re saying a vine is about to fuck Zhao.”

Spock inclines his head. “In other words.” In contrast to Spock's usual green tint, his face is devoid of color.

Jim closes his eyes. There are days where he fantasizes about his quiet, unobtrusive (well, comparatively) existence back in Riverside, Iowa. This is one of them. He lets out a slow exhale, and looks up at Zhao, struggling in the vine’s grasp. There is some sort of clear, viscous fluid emanating from the base of the vine and _wow Jim is not going to think about that anymore_. “Anybody got an extra-large pair of gardening shears?” Jim jokes weakly.

“It can only be destroyed by fire, captain,” Spock says to Jim’s left. And then, a bit more plaintively, “it has already punctured a hole through the greenhouse roof.”

“Don’t worry, babe, I’ll build you a new one,” Jim says absent-mindedly, and ignores Spock’s bitchface (a wrinkled brow) at the petname. “Alright, fine. Fire, anybody?”

“I’ll go get a flamethrower,” Sulu volunteers, and jogs off to the armory.

Zhao lets out a little whimper. “Captain?” Xe calls down. “Um…am I…”

“You’ll be alright, Ensign,” Jim says with more certainty than he feels. “Just…uh. Try to clamp your legs shut. Maybe twist them together or something.”

“Okay, Captain,” Zhao says, and does as Jim suggests, twining xer legs together in what looks like a knot. Man, xer species' flexibility is incredible (but that’s all academic, of course, now—Jim tries, as much as he can, to avoid getting on the bad side of the fraternization regs, considering Rand’s formidable wrath).

“Alright, so we’ll just wait for Sulu to get— _what the hell_.”

As Kirk spoke, an adventurous tendril had curled its way around his ankle. “Captain,” Spock points.

“Yes, thank you Spock, I’ve noticed—SULU WHERE IS THE FLAMETHROWER,” Jim shouts.

There is a muffled crash and swear from the general vicinity of the armory. Jim tries to slowly dislodge the green vine that has curled around his leg, but all it does is cling tighter. “This reminds me of that one night at the Borg pub,” Jim comments a bit hysterically. Well, sex with a vine. It’s certainly one of the more vanilla things he’s ever tried.

“I do not think this will resemble any of your previous encounters, Captain,” Spock mutters, tapping his PADD furiously. “Considering this particular species has the capability to reproduce with _any_ organism meeting its requirements, regardless of gender.”

Jim takes a few seconds to process this. “What, so it’s going to knock me up?”

“According to the data, there is a significant statistical probability of it doing so, around seventy—"

“SULU!” Jim thunders, with all the power vested in him as captain. “SULU GET OVER HERE OR I’M GIVING YOU TO THE KLINGONS.”

Spock eyes the tendril that is slowly making its way up Jim’s leg. “I would advise taking your earlier advice to Ensign Zhao, Captain.”

“You are a terrible Commander,” Jim bites out, and spares a glance above him. “Doing alright up there, Ensign?”

“Yessir,” is the faint response. “I, uh. Will I get maternity leave for this?”

“Not if I can help it, Ensign,” Jim tries to joke. “Don’t worry, Sulu will be here momentarily.” He tries to shake the tendril off in earnest, this time, but all it does is slow the progress momentarily before the thing continues to creep up his leg. “What happens if I try to shoot the thing?”

“It may become aggressive, Captain.”

“Right,” Jim mutters, but lights up when he hears the thump of Sulu’s feet. “Tell me you have some sort of flammable explosive with you.”

“One flamethrower coming right up,” Sulu grins. “Uh…where would you like me to aim?”

Jim looks up at Zhao first, and then at himself. “Get the Ensign free first.” Jim manages a weak smile. “Make sure not to send us up in flames while you’re doing it.”

“Got it, captain,” Sulu nods, and hefts the flamethrower. “Although…would it be possible for me to save a small clipping? It’s a really rare species, and its flowers are—"

“NO, SULU.”

Another typical Gamma Shift on the Enterprise. If Kirk remembers correctly, it'll be Chekov's turn next.


End file.
